Embracing Change and Cultivating Growth
For most people, the idea of change triggers anxious feelings. It’s how we’re wired.
Whether it’s on a small or large scale, and no matter how much we may CRAVE an envisioned result… the idea of changing ourselves seems intimidating.
Consider the things you’d like to change:
- “I need to lose weight”
- “I want to change jobs”
- “I have to get out of this relationship”
One way or another, change is something we all want.
Why, then, do we so rarely get around to actually manifesting the changes we really want in our lives?
We set big goals and maybe we even begin… but quickly we hit roadblocks & feel overwhelmed. Before we even realize what we’re doing, we’ve focused on something more comfortable, and change is off the table.
So yes, change IS hard.
Despite every good intention, most people find lasting change almost impossible to achieve.
The Alternative to Changing
As a coach, it’s my job to invite you to consider an alternative approach:
Is it possible that a happy and fulfilling life might be easier to enjoy if you focused on GROWTH instead of change?
Asking someone to CHANGE can seem impossible. But growing? “Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad.”
Growth is something we all understand. At one point or another, everyone has experienced growth in a positive way. Growing is natural. It’s part of being human.
Most of us welcome opportunities to grow.
Who We ARE Is Immutable
Consider this metaphor:
When we plant a tree, do we expect it to change, or do we expect it to grow?
We plant it, mostly forget about it, and then one spring day we look out the window to discover that it’s 8’ tall and covered in buds & blossoms.
We say, “Wow! Look how that tree has CHANGED!”
But has it really? Technically, that tree has simply grown.
The appearance has changed, but all the way down to its cells that’s still the same tree.
Our delightful spring surprise is the cumulative result of small, seemingly insignificant events:
- cells dividing daily
- chlorophyll absorbing sunlight
- xylem & phloem circulating & processing nutrients
- and sturdy limbs withstanding winters, storms, & marauding squirrels.
Cycles of rest and growth have resulted in what appears to be change…
…but from the first microscopic sprout to the outstretched, shade-bearing arms that make a summer afternoon more comfortable, it has always been the same tree.
Like that tree, we grow… and who we are, at our core, is immutable.
Grow with Intention
I like this metaphor because it turns down the pressure we feel about growth.
As a coach, I love inspiring people’s commitment to growth.
Growth is natural, and it’s universal. We all grow over time. The result could be fantastic, or just… whatever.
Often, we find ourselves in a regrettable situation and think, “I could have avoided this.”
Invariably, things are going to happen and, one way or another, we’ll develop some outcomes. Technically, that may be growth of some sort… but why not be more intentional about *how* we grow?
Every day, I’m teaching people how to get the results they actually want to achieve in life. It’s not hard! It requires 2 things we all possess: intention and a little patience.
The big surprise is how quickly intentional growth actually bears fruit.
Why is Change so Overwhelming?
If we find ourselves thinking, “I need to make a big change…” beware!
That whole notion is very likely a trap. We instantly feel overwhelmed… because big change is usually complicated, painful, and just too damn difficult.
But if we leverage the natural process of growth with tiny, intentional tweaks to our actions, different results are baked right into our natural cycle.
With small, incremental, intentional adjustments each day, the payoff begins to develop in a measurable, encouraging way.
Growth is small and incremental, but it shows up quickly. It’s far easier to embrace small adjustments that add up to an enduring commitment.
5 Magic Words
Let’s avoid the trap of thinking we need to make a big change.
Many of us have thought, “I really need to lose weight.” It’s natural to think of it as a big project and set a target: “In fact, I need to lose 50 pounds.”
Instantly, the totality of this idea triggers an avalanche of challenging thoughts about how do you even get started, what will you have to give up, how much will it suck every day, how long it would take to get it all off, and how disappointing it will be to fail.
Quickly, your “big project” transitions into a future intention… that you never quite get to.
A different approach begins with realizing that those 50 pounds didn’t appear overnight, and they sure won’t be gone overnight. But, 100%, they are not a mandatory condition of your life.
“That’s it, something’s gotta give!” This moment can arrive pretty suddenly, a bit like looking out the window to discover that blossom-covered tree. “OMG, where did that come from?!”
When that moment arrives, you want to be ready to shift your mindset into Growth Mode. It’s good to have these 5 Magic Words in your toolkit: “what can I do today?”
Reframe the Goal
The first thing you can do today is: understand your motivation.
Why is this goal important to you? Have you constructed a story about reaching your goal? Is someone demanding this outcome of you? Is the Met Gala looming?
Or maybe it’s more personal… maybe you’ve had a particularly jarring “mirror moment,” or you just don’t like how your clothes fit.
Underneath all the noise, pessimism, anxiety and pressure… is it possible that what you *really* want is to feel better about yourself, and to feel healthier?
In my experience, this is the fundamental motivation for most people. (Feeling more comfortable with what you see in the mirror is a bonus.)
The second thing you can do today is: take 50 pounds off the table.
If your fundamental growth goal is to feel better and be healthier, build your entire mindset around that and forget the “big project trap.” Growth begins with a single tiny step.
Hint:
Don’t focus on overhauling your life. Focus on your growth, and the one thing you’ll do next.
Perhaps your journey starts right now by drinking a glass of water. Maybe you’re about to get up and take a short walk. Maybe today you decide to replace one convenience meal with a healthy salad.
Growth is a culmination of trial and error, then applying what works, consistently, every day until it becomes a habit.
Make a Note
The next step is: pick up your phone or a journal.
Make some notes about how your first choice felt. If it all began with a glass of water, write about how that choice felt.
- Did you feel good about it?
- Did it feel like you had begun a journey with one small step?
- Did you hate it and never want to do it again?
What will your next step be? Choose one step, write that down, describe how it feels, and make a commitment to do just that one thing.
If you can commit to that one step, another step is possible.
Patience is Key
Fine, you’ve set your intention to grow in your health and self-concept. Your next step: accept that this growth happens over time.
Keep making notes. What do you think you’ll see in your journal over time?
- Will a pattern emerge?
- Might you detect a trail of small steps that prove you’re moving forward?
- Are the steps getting easier over time?
- Perhaps you’re building a new habit?
- What other changes are you noticing?
Very quickly, it will occur to you that you’re feeling a bit better. You’ll notice that you’re feeling more optimistic. Others will notice that your disposition has improved.
It may begin in tiny increments at first, but a chain of good choices will link together, and results will show up on the scale. This is what growth looks like.
Over time, that growth expands. Small victories add up, leaving you feeling more healthy.
Here’s another hint:
Writing about all these things is your secret weapon. Lots of people think they don’t need this step, but it’s the game-changer. There will be hard days, distractions, and setbacks – because we’re humans living in a busy and overwhelming world. The simple act of re-reading how you felt when you took that first small step will, I guarantee you, make future steps not only easier, but a certainty. Success replicates!
The beauty of growth is it lets you off the hook – there is no pressure to change. This is just you shifting your intention so the odds are now in your favor.
As adults we know there is no magic wand, no silver bullet, no abracadabra. Growth happens over time, with intention and conscious choices. But it’s extraordinary how much we can achieve, and how quickly we perceive our progress!
Be intentional. Take a tiny step forward. Make a note. And remain mindful of your journey.
Embrace growth and stop doubting your destiny.
Most importantly, if you need help with reframing, building a roadmap to your personal growth, and achieving your goals, reach out to me at www.thebaard.com or text or call (509) 557-3891
